How the culture of “Blame Game” is Detrimental to the society and a Hindrance to our success
One of the most pervasive notions in our society today is that we are entitled to a great life-that somehow, somewhere, someone (and certainly not us) is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time and blissful personal relationships simply because we exist.
But the bare truth-and one which most of us have chosen to acknowledge-is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of life you live. That person is you.
In fact, most of us especially the young generation have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the part of our lives that is not doing well as we would want it to.
We blame our parents for not furthering our education or their strict upbringing for the mess our lives have turned out to be. Our bosses take the blame for the meager salaries or our lack of promotion despite having worked in that firm for almost ten ears.
We blame our friends, the media, our co-workers, our spouse, the economy-anyoneor anything we can pin the blame on, never wanting to comprehend that the problem is ourselves, for it is only you who can creates the quality of life you lead and the results you produce.
Yes, your friend introduced you to alcohol but you choose to accept and drink! Now you are a drunkard who at thirty still lives with buddies. The problem is you not the friend. Okay, so the media glorifies fashion but it is you young lady who has decided to dress skimpily and you blame men for not taking you seriously? The media doesn’t buy your clothes now, does it?
There’s no doubt that we all want to create the life of our dreams; to make a difference, to get it right, to produce the desired results. Our argument more often than not is that there are limiting factors to our success. Limiting factors like lack of money, lack of education, racism, gender bias, your boss’s attitude, the system, the political climate, your spouse. No doubt all these factors exist, but if they were the deciding factors, nobody would ever succeed.
If racism was the deciding factor, Barack Obama would have never made it as a black president in America. Gender bias would have hindered Helen Sirleaf from becoming the first head of state in Africa, lack of money could have stopped our very own, the late Njenga Karume from being a millionaire but he used the little he had to begin from somewhere-selling charcoal.
Lots of people overcome these so called limiting factors, so it can’t be the limiting factors, neither is it the external conditions and circumstances that stop you-it’s you! We think limiting thoughts and engage in self-defeating behaviors’’. We defend our self destructive habits (such as drinking and laziness) with indefensible logic. We ignore useful feedbacks, fail to continuously educate ourselves and learn new skills, for example, if you were employed with a diploma and you decided not to further your studies nor attend workshops/seminars, why do you blame your boss for your in ability to get promotion ten years down the line? We waste time and resources on trivial aspects of our lives like saving hard to go for a vacation in Madagascar, yet you are living in a rented apartment, couldn’t it be wiser if you saved to buy your own house? We engage in idol gossip, eat unhealthy food, fail to exercise, spend more money than we make, fail to invest in our future, and then we wonder why our lives don’t work.
When I went for my first attachment, my supervisor asked me if I took full responsibility for my life. I heisted,
“You want to be a successful journalist don’t you?”
“Yes,” I responded.
“Then answer my question, besides it’s a yes or no question young lady. You either do or you don’t.”
“ I guess so…”
“Have you ever blamed anyone for any circumstance in your life? Have you ever complained about anything?”
“Okay, that means you don’t take 100% responsibility for your life. Doing so means you acknowledge that you create everything that happens to you. It means you understand that you are the cause of all your experience. If you want to be successful which I know you do, then you will have to give up blaming and complaining. That is the prerequisite for creating a life of success.
Let us change our thinking, our communication, change the pictures in our heads of ourselves and the world, our behavior and the things we do. After all, the above mentioned are what we have any control over anyway. Unfortunately, most of us are so engrossed in our habits that we never change our behavior. Let everything you think, say and do become intentional and aligned with your purpose, your values and goals; if you ever want to live a successful life.
Just sitting there and expecting your life, career, business, relationship to change for the better is insane! Now the twelve-step program defines “insanity” as continuing the same behavior and expecting a different result. If you want something different, you are going to have to do something different.
Learn to cook healthier food, say no to peer pressure, quit and find a better job, go back to school and pursue your dreams, take a self development class, trust your gut feeling, ask for assistance, read anger management books…All these depending on the circumstances you are complaining about, would require you to change.
Making a change might take effort, money and time. It might be uncomfortable, difficult or confusing. It involves risks; risk of being un-employed, left alone, ridiculed and judged by others. You run the risk of failure, confrontation or being wrong, and its thus through avoiding these uncomfortable feelings and experiences that you stay put and complain about it.
Show me someone who is humble enough to accept and take responsibility for his or her actions and circumstances and is courageous enough to take whatever initiative is necessary to creatively work his/her way through or around these challenges and I’ll show you the supreme power of choice.
I urge us to take the risk of creating our lives exactly the way we want it. So make the decision to stop complaining, stop spending time with complainers and get on with creating the life of your dreams…Lets make that decision, can’t we?